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Author Reflections: 4 Spiritually-Guided Insights for Overcoming Fear and Unleashing Creativity

4/16/2015

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The faces throughout this post are of the book, My Forgotten Self's main character, Tiev.  I am including her faces because I love them all :-) and they represent the transformation we all encounter as we embark on our personal creative journeys!   


 

The Gift of Insight
When I first saw Tiev “in person," I actually became tearful. This young girl, who lived in my head for years after I wrote her story, was finally in front of me.  The process of creating and introducing her to the world has elicited emotions such as excitement, gratitude, hope, inspiration, and serenity.  If I'm honest, I have also experienced feelings of vulnerability, anxiety, overwhelm and even fear. Blessedly, this journey with Tiev (and my backpack of emotions) has gifted me with many insights about the creative process and life in general. I describe four of these insights below.
Insight 1: Change requires vulnerability and letting go.
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Recently, I made small changes to the text of the book.  Without boring you with details, I brought on a second editor (who loved the story …YAY!) to review the new text with fresh eyes.  She helped me realize that the illustration ideas, which sounded awesome six months ago, no longer worked given my textual changes.  To be honest, I initially fought the feedback.  I was so connected to how things were that I could not visualize the story without the old ideas that no longer served the story.  Her suggestions have helped the book to become SO much more rich and powerful. I just had to get out of my own way. 

Yes, we must be vulnerable to allow another person to challenge our cherished views; however, the regret of learning the lesson after the opportunity to change the situation has passed is often much worse.  Bringing a fresh pair of eyes into our situations can help us see circumstances from a new angle.
Insight 2: Let your Soul's purpose guide you.
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I recently set the intentions that will guide my actions towards my vision.  In everything I do, my intention is to inspire you to:

fully embrace your divine worth; fearlessly live your soul's purpose; and faithfully encourage others to do the same.

Through this process, I've learned that without a clearly defined intention or purpose, our actions are often driven by anxiety and fear.  This is usually related to "enoughness”— Is it good enough? Am I good enough? Am I clear enough? Am I smart enough? Am I...enough?. 

I’ve found that once we set intentions that are aligned with our soul’s purpose, we can choose to be guided by Spirit, as opposed to being shoved by fear.

Insight 3: Mountains are just large piles of stones.
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Jesus is quoted as saying that we have the power within us to move mountains (Mt 17:20).  I believe that this is especially possible when we realize that it is not the mountain that needs to shift, but our perspective of it. 

Throughout this publishing process, I have come across a number of "mountains."  For example, I was advised to begin focusing on a "brand." As I researched the concept of branding, it grew to be an overwhelming, kagillion ton, solid mass:

Networking, marketing, creating, writing, speaking, motivating, delivering, designing, targeting...OMG! 

As a result, I did what any budding brand builder would do...I avoided it! Then one day, I had a vision of large rocks being blast into pieces and it hit me: 

Mountains are simply tightly packed stones.


Mountains are easily moved when you break them up into smaller pieces!  Instead of focusing on the "branding mountain” before me, I shifted my attention to major stones that make up the mountain:

Stone 1 (What principles guide what I do?) + Stone 2 (What skills do I possess?) + Stone 3 (What do I enjoy doing?) + Stone 4 (How can I put these together to serve others?) = Mountain (branding)

When we are overwhelmed by the thought of moving the mountains in our lives, we must shift our perspective and visualize the smaller stones within each mountain.  In moving one stone at a time, eventually we notice that we have moved the mountain.  
Insight 4: Plan for the future but don’t worry about how you’ll get there.

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There are times when I overflow with creativity and inspiration and there times my pot feels dry.  I've learned the difference rests in my ability to access my creative spirit.  When I worry about deadlines, and the specific steps needed to fulfill my goals, my creativity is stifled.  On the other hand, when I consciously increase the alignment between my thoughts, actions and intentions (e.g. to inspire) and decrease my focus on deadlines and narrow goals (e.g. "finish this blog by 5 pm"...which NEVER happens, by the way...grrr), my creative juices flow full force. 

When planning for our future becomes worrying about our future, we should try to remember that it is God's job to determine exactly HOW our vision will manifest.  It is our job to hold the vision, keep our actions aligned with our intentions, and remain aware of the ways in which fear and doubt limit our openness and faith in the belief that all is well.

Insight Summary
~ Be open to sharing ideas with trusted others and letting go of things that no longer serve you.

~ Choose actions that are guided by clearly defined, "big picture" intentions versus fear-driven, narrow goals.

~ A feeling of overwhelm is an indicator that the task at hand can be broken down into smaller, more manageable parts.

~ We can (and should) plan for the future but exactly how our future will unfold is not always in our control. 

~ Plans guided by intentions ignite our flames of creativity and allow us to flexibly respond to circumstances. Plans guided by worry can extinguish our creative flames and leave us feeling paralyzed in darkness.  


Do any of these insights resonate with you? What insights help you overcome fear or enhance creativity? Comment below!

Namaste!

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Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014-2015. All rights reserved
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Note to Self: 7 Things to Remember When Life Seems Off- Balance

4/6/2015

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Friend: How’s it going?
Me: It’s going…with or without me *sigh*






When the above exchange becomes my mantra, I know change is necessary.  Usually, this is my minds signal that I am overwhelmed, overworked, and under-stimulated by things or people that give me life.

The following 7 reminders help me to find balance between my energy and my circumstances.   

1.     
Set your intention for the day:  Whether or not we are aware of it, every action we perform is directed by an         intention, a principle or value statement that guides our actions.  When I mindfully set my daily intentions, I have a guiding  principle that I can recall when stressed, confused or afraid. If I have an important meeting planned, I can set the intention to engage people and situations from a place of calmness and curiosity. Before committing to a decision, commenting, or setting a goal, I can ask myself if the decision, comment or goal aligns with my intention. Without conscious intentions, we run the risk of feeling pulled in many directions; being guided by our fears or stressors; or feeling like our mind and body are not aligned with our spirit. 

Ask: What value(s) or principle(s) will guide my actions for today?

2.   
Rethink balance. Balance is defined as the even distribution of an objects weight over an area.  However, life is not a  motionless area; it is an active process. Attempts to “evenly distribute” our personal energy across all areas of life will likely fail. Some days our children require an abundance of energy, while other days our work needs more attention.   I view balance as our ability to adjust to circumstances by making intentional choices that reflect our priorities and values.   In other words, when stressed, we achieve balance by choosing to respond to circumstances in ways that re-align us with our intentions for that day. 

Ask:  What is my intention for today and what choice can I make in this moment to re-align with that                 intention?     

3.   
Check your health trinity:  Three signs my life WILL be off balance no matter what I do:

1) 5 hours of sleep is a
good night.
2) I change my car oil more often than I exercise. 
3) Australian cherry licorice becomes my daily source of fruit.

We can feel energetically drained for many reasons, but we should first check our health trinity: Sleep-Good Diet-Exercise.  When one or more of these are missing, our entire system can remain off balance regardless of the attention we pay to other areas.


Ask: Do I feel physically alert? If not, check the wholeness of your health trinity. Start to notice bodily signals and circumstances that inform you when your health trinity is off balance?

4.   
List your life-givers:   You cannot give what you do not have.  There are times when I expend more energy than I     replace and ultimately feel drained.  Making time for activities and people that rejuvenate us is important.  

Ask: What activities or people cause me to lose all sense of time and leave me feeling energized? Make time for the     hobbies and people that GIVE you life!

5.   
Challenge requirements:   Let me set the scene—I sit to  write a blog entry and think:
   

Oh wait, let me just take a minute to send that email…call that person…make that list…set that appointment…
   
By the end of that “minute” its 2 hours later and I have yet to return to my blog.  Sometimes we believe a task MUST be done in THAT moment.  The truth is often that we simply WANT to complete the task to eliminate the anxiety it creates within us.
   

Ask: Is this sense of urgency real or can this wait? If it can wait, write it down and go back to the task at hand.  

6.   
“Yes” to one means “no” to another: At times I develop the delusion that when I agree to complete a worthy task, the universe will reward me with extra hours in my day to replace those spent being helpful.  The truth is, we're all given the same 24 hours each day and when we give time to one task, we take away from something else.

If you take on a new task, instead of trying to complete everything (and only halfway completing anything), be intentional about what area will not receive your energy or focus that day.  
   

Ask: Do I want to do this? Do I feel obligated or pressured to do this? If you want to complete the task, refer to question #2.  If not, ask: What choices can I make in this moment to remain balanced?  Should I set a boundary?  

7.   
Celebrate the victories:  When stressed, we, as humans are wired to recall negative experiences much faster and in greater detail than the positive ones. As a result, we must make conscious efforts to make our positive experiences memorable so we can recall them when we feel disappointed or discouraged.  

Sometimes I’ll complete a huge task, breathe a sigh of relief and quickly move onto the next task.  After completing a small task, do a silly victory dance or tell everyone how awesome you are.  This will make your positive experience memorable. 

If you try a task, but do not accomplish the desired result, instead of beating yourself up (which only adds to your vivid negative memories), reflect on what you learned and move on (maybe do a, “that’s okay, I’m awesome anyway!” dance).  


Ask: What can I dance about today?

What reminders help you to stay balanced? I’d love to hear! Please share below.


Namaste!


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Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014-2017. All rights reserved

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Practical Faith: Three Steps To Perceive And Achieve Your Vision

3/17/2015

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I LOVE reading spiritual texts from various faith traditions.  Peering into the spiritual minds of the writers and witnessing how they viewed and interacted with the Divine, feeds the Seeker within me.  Though some of the messages seem almost “other worldly” others are quite practical.  The Bible verse: “Faith without works is dead” (James 2:17) is one such example.  I find in it a very practical lesson:

I can have all the faith in the world but if I’m not willing to put one foot in front of the other… make a plan… MOVE... Something…ANYTHING, then my faith is as good as dead.

A Vision Without A Plan Is A Wish
To be clear, I am a HUGE fan-a-faith but have come to believe that faith as a destination is a “dead” end.  As a travel companion, however, faith continuously reminds me: if you can perceive it, you can receive it [1].  I am aware that faith also carries another message: when you do receive “it,” you MUST work to grow and maintain “it.”  

For instance, the book, My Forgotten Self, effortlessly poured through me and onto the paper, however, I’ve had to put energy, time and money into cultivating this literary gift.  I do not expect it to edit, illustrate, print and market itself.  My faith that God is guiding this book’s publication, has helped me hold the vision but faith will not publish it for me.
      
Take Home Message: Act On All Visions We Receive!
Woah, horsey! I believe that Divinely-inspired ideas are to be explored, but I also believe in Divine-like ideas—those ideas that pose as Divinely-led but are really Ego-led.  I am not saying “Ego is bad.”  When our ego becomes the co-pilot to our Spirit, the ego can provide the motivation and focus to pull us towards our goal. However, when our ego is given pilot status, the wisdom, creativity and peace of our Divine Self is quieted; obsession, fear, anger or even jealousy can become the driving force of our vessel.  

For example, not too long ago, I learned of a POTENTIAL, career-transforming media position.  I fantasized, talked and even dreamed about it.  At a certain point, I realized that I was obsessing over a position that technically didn’t exist.  My ego was wrapped so tightly around the outcome; if things didn’t go my way, pain and disappointment were surely on my horizon.  

The Paradox Of Stillness
I needed guidance regarding my media obsession; my favorite Bible verse entered my mind, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).  As I became still through meditation, a prayer entered my mind:

God, if this is not for me, please remove the desire from my heart. 

Almost instantly, my desire for the position faded.  I was later informed that the position had been dissolved.  Through stillness, the appropriate course of action was laid before me— Prayer.  The decision would have been the same (no media for me!), but I rested in my faith in Divine guidance and was reminded of the power of stillness. 

Through stillness, an action (prayer) was revealed that lessened my ego’s grip on the outcome.  My ego’s release eliminated my potential pain.  

Step Towards Your Vision
1. Perceive your vision—what ideas keep popping up in your mind? What are you passionate about?  Write down, draw out or talk about what you perceive.  Next, write one or two steps you feel Spirit is leading you to take towards your vision.

2. Determine your pilot--become aware of your emotions and determine your motivation. What’s driving your vessel to accomplish this vision: Divine Self or Ego?

3. Meditate with expectancy
—when confusion or fear crosses your path, enter stillness with the belief that peace, wisdom and guidance will join you there.

For our faith to be useful and not “dead,” we should open ourselves to receive the vision and with faith, be willing to take Divinely ordered and supported steps towards the destination.

Namaste!  
[1] Faith is the substance of things hoped for (Hebrews 11:1)


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Strive To Be Self-centered: Four Tools For Internal Peace

3/4/2015

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We’re taught at a young age that being self-centered is not a good thing.  We call such people, selfish, prideful, egotistical and narcissistic.  To clarify, this post is not about developing these “Little-s” self-centered traits. It is about developing tools to discover our, “Big-S” Self-centeredness.  The "Big-S" Self has been given many names such as Christ Consciousness, Spirit, and Higher Self. 

Dr. Richard Schwartz, creator of the Internal Family Systems model states that we know we are connected to “Big-S” Self when we experience one or more of the following towards a person or situation: calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness.

The S-E-L-F Tools I describe below help me connect to my “Big-S” Self even when a rude comment or frustrating email threaten to ignite the reactions of my “Little-s” self.  Each tool can be used together or individually. 

Tool 1.  S= Surrender
There are times when I feel powerless or out of control.  My go-to remedy? Assert MORE power and control, of course!  The problem with this solution?  When guided by frustration and fear the situation seldom ends well for me.  When I choose to surrender, however, creative solutions to problems rise within or around me. 

What does surrendering look like for me? Few people enjoy feeling anger.  I become angry when I believe I’ve lost my desired option and lack an equally desirable back-up plan.  For me surrender is about acknowledgment. 

We can acknowledge that we: 1) feel powerless, afraid, and/or frustrated  2) lack the awareness of the right thing to do; 3) possess the awareness but lack the desire to do what is right; 4) need guidance and support from our “Big-S” Self or the “Big-S” Selves within others.  

Tool 2.  E= Enter into stillness 
My mind is the poster child for what Buddhists call “Monkey Mind”—restless and uncontrollable.  My monkeys can wreak havoc in my head—knocking over furniture, throwing feces on the walls.  I can surrender all day but at times my thoughts and feelings jump and screech non-stop. 

What does entering stillness look like for me? I meditate! I sit and focus on my breath or the sounds around me. 

Entering into stillness gives us something to do after surrendering.  Meditation turns our focus away from ineffectively trying to fix others and towards the only thing upon which we have insight and influence—ourselves.      Entering into stillness is like entering into the eye of a tornado where everything is quiet.  We are not trying to stop the winds of thoughts and emotions (if you are, good luck with that!), but we are not overwhelmed or carried away by them either.

Tool 3:  L=Leave the past and the future where they are 
I create great stories about who did what, why and what will happen as a result.  Unfortunately, these stories are often filled with frustration towards my past and fear of my future.  Stories, in essence provide my mental monkeys with branches to swing from and bananas to feed upon!  Because I cannot enter another person’s mind, a majority of my stories are based upon my own assumptions and judgments; they have little to do with others.  It’s like having a nightmare where people in my life are hurting me and upon waking, I punish those people for what they did in my dream.  Even if parts of my dream carried truth, much of it was my mind’s creation.

What does leaving the past and future look like for me?  I remind myself that my stories, full of my assumptions and judgments, are creating my suffering. I then come back to the present moment and, if necessary, refer to Tool #1.   

This is not ignoring the problem rather we are choosing to be in the moment for this moment, so the monkeys can calm down.  Something upsetting may have happened; however, the problem is not banging down the door (and if it is, find peace AND call the police!—Not necessarily in that order).  In most moments, nothing is wrong unless your fear, frustrations, and judgments deem it so. 

Tool 4.  F = Find gratefulness. 
When all else fails and the tornadoes are flinging me mercilessly and the monkeys are running the zoo, I can always retreat to gratitude.

Our brains cannot fully focus on more than one thought at a time.  When we focus on a grateful moment, thoughts that lead to anger or fear momentarily withdraw. 

What does finding look like for me? I close my eyes and picture something for which I am grateful—usually my children.

When we shift our thoughts in this way, we shift our emotions; our bodies stop making stress hormones and start making relaxation hormones.  As our bodies relax, our minds open to creative solutions and learning.  Gratefulness (and similar emotions) is our mental reset button. Once hit, we can return to our physical, mental and emotional baseline.

~Go to the Self Center and complete a brief meditation using metaphors as your guide.~

Namaste!



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Lessons From The Ashes, Part 4: Reflecting

2/19/2015

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Lodgepole pine cone opened by fire to release seeds.*
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Yellowstone park forest burned in 1988*
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Yellowstone Park forest growth progression post-1988 fire*
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Yellowstone Park forest growth progression @ 10 years post-1988 fire*
Reflections
Following the Yellowstone Park fire of 1988, the minds of many were filled with questions like: What happened? How did it happen? What can we learn from this? 
   

Once we gain an awareness of the wounds created by our “forest fire” experiences and begin to heal, we will eventually hit a point where we find it necessary to reflect upon our healing journey.  We can then view the new landscape and deepen our growth.  When we take time to reflect, as I have done through this series or in other ways, the bigger internal landscape comes into focus and the weeds of judgment against others and ourselves begin to wither.   Questions of who did what, why and how? become less important and questions of where am I and who am I because of this? become essential.

Life Always Finds a Way
When Yellowstone burned, it did not die. Like the Lodgepole Pines, without any human intervention, Yellowstone forest began to rebuild.  As the smoke, which blocked our ability to view the landscape, cleared, scientists began photographing and monitoring the changes within the forest.  Miraculously, they found that the forest grew to be more lush and full than before the fire.  Areas that had not had any growth prior to the fire were now teeming with life as the Lodgepole and other seeds found new homes.
 
Once I ended the “forest fire” that was my unhealthy relationship, I welcomed the thick smoke of denial that clouded the scene.  I figured, as long as I couldn’t see the damaged landscape, it wasn’t really there— makes sense, right? :-) .  However, the smoke of denial eventually dissolved and I chose to heal the wounded Parts of myself that feared I was beyond repair. 

Eventually, I viewed my new internal landscape with fresh eyes and what I found was not the permanent destruction I feared but life! I was full of potential for growth. It was my fear that limited my ability to see life amidst the loss.  Like Lodgepole seeds, my internal seeds of wisdom and guidance survived and were activated by my “forest fire” experience!  These seeds of wisdom also spread to other areas of my life and I began to see emotional and spiritual growth in new places.           

Where and Who Am I Now?
Healing continues; there are Parts of me that are still triggered by the various “forest fire” experiences from my past. However, I am better able to recognize what triggers my anger, bitterness etc. and deal with it directly.  For instance, when I create stories about how “s/he tried to manipulate/anger me,” I try not to react (as often…lol).  Rather, I work to recognize my thoughts and emotions and trace them back to the internal source of my pain.  This has been a long road, but well worth the continued effort.  My children are worth it, my joy is worth it, my soul is worth it, I AM WORTH IT! …we ALL are WORTH IT!


Upon reflecting on my journey, I have learned:

  • We can derail our healing process if we continue to view our “forest fire” experiences as destructive forces and suppliers of death and sorrow.  Yes, we must acknowledge our losses and witness the pain they cause but we should also try to remember that life is not in the ashes and burying ourselves in them only leads to suffocation. However, when we view our “forest fire” experiences as transformative forces and suppliers of life and growth, our internal seeds of wisdom will guide us to self-compassion and peace.
  • On our healing journey, recalling why we want to heal gives motivation when the end seems so far away.  For instance, I continue to heal and reflect, in part, so I can avoid passing the third-degree burns of my past onto my children.  I will not choke them on the smoke of my pain or bury them beneath the ashes of my victimhood. I want the soil that cultivates my seeds to support their growth.  Questions like these can help us find motivation: Do I need to heal? What are the benefits of healing? Of remaining where I am? How will I know when I’ve healed, what will be different?
  • The healing journey is not a one-time event, but a constant process.  When we view perceived “let downs” or “backslides” as personal defects, we remain stuck; when we view them as opportunities to see areas that still need healing and growth we can rejoice in their unveiling and hear the lessons they carry. 
  • We cannot change our past but we can acknowledge the feelings and heal the wounds that result from that past.  We can then choose how we interpret and respond in the present. 
  • When we continuously react in the moment as if we are in our past, we essentially re-victimize ourselves by physically and emotionally reacting to everyone around us as if they are “out to get us.”  My unhealthy relationship did not keep me stuck; it was in the past and no longer had power over me.  It was the stories I created through my pain about myself and those around me that kept me imprisoned in history. 
  • A goal of healing is not to eliminate all pain but to shift our perspective to one that allows us to remain present with and realize the ways in which our thoughts, judgments and emotions about the past create our suffering and keep us stuck.  This shift in perspective enhances our belief that like the Lodgepole, we have been gifted with an internal source of power to quench our “forest fires” and renew.

Find your motivations, become aware of your “forest fire” experiences, accept your emotions as the guides they are; witness those parts of you that carry pain and reflect on your process to gain the wisdom it cultivates.  These steps will bring you closer to your Divine Self.


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*The above pictures depict Yellowstone's growth and healing progression over the course of 10 years.  Courtesy of the National Park Service. www.nps.gov 

Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014-2015. All rights reserved




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Lessons From The Ashes, Part 3: Witnessing

2/5/2015

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In 1988, the fires burned Yellowstone park.  Nothing would change that.  Lamenting over the lost landscape would only jeopardize our opportunity to witness the powerful transformation taking place amidst the ashes as nature healed itself and rebirthed.

Messages from my Internal Forest
When we disown wounded Parts of ourselves to minimize pain, the pain those Parts carry will retreat to our mind, muscles, or soul.  When exceptionally deep, pain will penetrate all three. 

To heal and rebirth the Parts of me wounded in my unhealthy college relationship, I had to become aware of, accept and witness the pain they carried. I had to release my victimhood, enter my internal forest, and allow those wounded Parts to tell me their tales.  Some messages those Parts of me carried were:

“My mind, body and soul are hurting.”

“My fear of being emotionally blistered by others is leading me to sear those closest to me.”

“My ignorance of my worth leads me into situations that only reinforce my pain.”

“I am so angry…no, ENRAGED. I had never truly hated anyone, but I HATE the person who hurt me.”

“I have no idea how to make it better.”

Entering the forest  
Witnessing or perceiving pain with compassion, looks different for everyone; for me it required that I enter my smoldering internal forest, and acknowledge the heavy ashes of my old reality that were being carried by my disowned and wounded Parts. 

Witnessing my pain meant that I eventually embraced and compassionately listened to my wounded Parts.  I cried with them and allowed the buried memories and emotions to surface.  Over time, self-compassion transformed my pain into peace.  

Companions on the Path
There was fear in dropping the ashes—fear of emotional pain and a new reality, a new internal forest.   This fear limited my ability to generate compassion towards the Parts of me that carried my pain.  

When the fears overwhelmed me I called for help— a trusted friend, therapist, or the Holy Spirit. I happily and humbly enlisted the clarity and compassion of all three to help me through the smoke-filled forest of my mind.  

Watering the Seeds
Seeds are created containing all the food required for their development.  Similarly, everything we need to heal and grow is contained within us. External striving for peace only distracts us from our internal healing process.  

To activate the food within the seeds, water is needed. The tears I initially viewed as a weakness were an acknowledgement of the pain I felt inside. The release of our tears represents strength as they activate our internal seeds of guidance and wisdom. 

On this journey towards the witnessing of my pain, I have learned:
  • Emotions are not my enemy.  I realized that emotions are my friends. I know this is hard to believe.  Our emotions don’t always lead to the best results.  I’ve blamed short-sighted decisions and chronically tight neck muscles on my “negative emotions.”  However, I’ve learned that emotions are simply signposts directing us to what is going on within and around us.  When I listened to their messages, I learned valuable lessons.  When I ignored or ran them over with distractions, they turned into disturbingly bright flashing neon signs; the increased intensity was not to hurt me but to help me see, understand and learn.
  • Bursting hurts, bringing heals.  In the often debated Gospel of Thomas, Jesus is quoted as saying: "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you" (#70).  Emotions are designed to guide thoughts and actions, reflect the internal and external, and assist the transformation of pain into peace.  They are not meant to be hidden, stifled, or buried.  As psychologist Ron Siegel says, “when we bury our emotions, we bury them alive.” They will eventually burst forth and that bursting process often leads to more pain. On the other hand, when we consciously bring forth and witness our pain, that bringing process leads to freedom.
  • Witnessing is the purest act of self-compassion. Witnessing or perceiving pain with compassion involved allowing my wounded Parts to tell their stories; to be heard. I’ve done this by talking to a compassionate companion; writing in a journal; or through spiritual means such as healing meditations or psychospiritual therapy.  These are examples of going through the pain.  Witnessing is not always easy but can be aided by the belief that we are worthy of healing, forgiveness, and love.
  • As above, so below.  I have come to believe a universal truth:  we all want to be validated. Not necessarily “fixed” but seen, heard and prayerfully understood. This truth traverses age and culture.  Just as we crave validation from those around us, Parts within us crave the same thing from us. This is why self-compassion is key to our healing process.  We need to be open to receiving our own compassion before we can be fully open to receiving (or giving) compassion from (or to) others.
  • Do-overs allowed. After learning the power of witnessing through the healing of my college relationship wounds, I began to witness the Parts of me that carried older and newer wounds.  I have also learned to forgive myself when I anxiously run from the forest or refuse to drop the ashes. It is from this place of self-compassion that I cultivate the strength, will and faith to return to the forest again and again, healing each wound, nourishing each seed and witnessing my pain into peace.

In the fourth and final installment of this four part series, I will discuss the how reflecting on our healing journeys helps us to clear the smoke in our minds, see the bigger landscape and access our Forgotten Self.

Please visit the SelfCenter section of the website and complete the "May I: Self-compassion Exercise" to assess your level of self-compassion.  Also, learn how to enhance your self-compassion and cultivate wisdom from your experiences.


Namaste, Sisters & Brothers!


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Lessons From The Ashes, Part 2: Acceptance

1/19/2015

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In the previous post on self-awareness, I discussed how the Lodgepole Pines of Yellowstone Park need fire in order to release their seeds and rejuvenate.  We now know that had we accepted the Lodgepole’s truth, stricter guidelines could have been established around setting controlled fires and the 1988 wildfire may not have occurred.  

The hurtful experiences of my unhealthy college relationship happened — I had to accept this truth.  Acceptance did not mean that it should’ve happened, I deserved it or that it will happen again.  Acceptance did mean that I chose to no longer abdicate my power to the past by trying to erase or ignore what happened.  Acceptance did mean that I chose to face forward and heal the pain.  

By not accepting, like punching smoke to put out the flames, my defensive reactions hemorrhaged precious energy in misdirected, hurtful and ineffective ways.  Through acceptance I understood that my reactions were normal (anger, sadness, even hate), and it was the dynamics of my college relationship that were abnormal.  Lastly, acceptance brought my wounded parts into view and closer to healing.

On this journey towards acceptance, I learned:

  •  Acceptance of our True Identity unearths our True Power.  What happened to me was, in part, due to my lack of acceptance that I deserved anything better.  I am NOT saying that this person’s behavior was my fault.  When one person chooses to dishonor another, it is not the dishonored persons fault.  The responsibility of the choice to dishonor lies with the person who chose to act in this way. What I AM saying is that in my situation, my lack of knowledge regarding my self-worth led me to minimize my power and bury a profound Truth:
       
        I Am A Treasured Child of God! 
       
        When we recognize this as our true identity, we realize the profound                         inconsistencies inherent in the dishonorable ways we treat each other and                 ourselves.    
  • Acceptance yields strength. I viewed the recognition of my pain as a weakness; a sign that this person “really got me good.”  I believed that as long as I buried the truth that my pain was real and deep, I would be fine; I would remain strong and in control. Like termites in a tree, however, my pain only ate me from the inside out. It nibbled into my joints, chewed into my mind and eventually began to consume the door to my soul.  Though our exteriors may appear strong and fortified, when we refuse to accept “what is” we stifle our strength and compromise our sense of control.  
  •  Acceptance is a seed which bears wisdom and discernment.  Just as the Lodgepole seeds need to go through the fire to sprout, we need to go through our pain to heal. There is no negotiating on this truth (if there were, I would have done it ;-) ).  Acknowledging our past, helps us to accept our present and set well-discerned intentions that will spiritually fortify our minds for the future.  
  •  Acceptance is cost-effective. Refusing to accept “what is,” limits our ability to make skilled and useful choices. As a result, we ultimately make decisions based upon what we feel “should be” as opposed to “what is”:  
           
            The belief that “forests should not burn” limited our ability to make the skilled          and useful choice to set controlled fires. 
           
         The belief that “I should quickly get over this relationship” limited my ability  to
 make a skilled and useful choice to seek help or consciously heal. 

         Ultimately, in both cases, the cost of avoidance was much higher than the                        

         choice of acceptance.

Please visit the SelfExplore section of the website and complete the "Parts of Me: Emotional Awareness" exercise to experience the practice of acceptance with our emotions.

In the third lesson on Witnessing, I will discuss the gifts inherent in witnessing the stories the wounded parts of us carry and desperately need to tell.

Namaste and Happy MLK Day, Brothers and Sisters!

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Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014-2015. All rights reserved


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Lessons From The Ashes, Part 1: Self-Awareness

1/6/2015

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In 1988, Yellowstone National Park lost over 800,000 acres of vegetation to fire.  The flames devastated the 300-year-old Lodgepole Pines.  Many felt sorrow; however, few realized the Lodgepole contains seeds that are only released when the tree is burned and the ash turns to soil that fertilizes the seedlings.  Fire, the supplier of death and destruction revealed itself to be a transformative power necessary for growth.   

Painful experiences can be tools which help us uncover seeds of truth and transformation that may have otherwise remained buried. Like the Yellowstone fire, my most difficult experiences held seeds containing wisdom, power, and guidance essential for my growth and transformation.  While in college, I was in an unhealthy relationship that did not honor my truths and was out of alignment with my Divine Self.  The devastating fires of that relationship left me lamenting over and gripping the ashes that represented my charred sense of self.   Unfortunately, my grip on the ashes disabled their ability to settle and evolve into the soil that my transformative seeds needed for nourishment.  As a result, my mourning process endured for the better part of a decade. 

As long as I viewed the ashes as remnants of death, the soil which nourishes life, continuously eluded me.  Only through Spirit-led lessons on Self-awareness, Acceptance, Witnessing, and Accessing my Divine transformative power was I set on the path to healing.  This power and difficult healing process ultimately enabled me to remember the existence of the Self I had forgotten.  In this blog, I discuss the  first of four lessons I learned:

Lesson 1: Self-Awareness
Prior to the 1988 fire, nature attempted to run its course through small wildfires; however, our lack of awareness regarding forest growth processes minimized our understanding of the Lodgepole’s truth— It needs the power of fire to rejuvenate. 

I find that my lack of self-awareness minimizes my truth. This was the case once I ended the difficult relationship; I buried any awareness that something was wrong: “I am NOT hurt…I am NOT wounded…I am NOT broken…I am FINE!” My body, mind and spirit, told very different truths, however; truths buried deep within:

In my body I felt achy joints, headaches, and tight muscles—
The lie I told myself was: I just haven’t been drinking enough water.
The truth I buried was: The stored pain and anguish of my past is causing my body to tantrum.

My mouth hurled hurtful words towards those for whom I care deepest
—
The lie I told myself was: I’m justified. They are trying to aggravate and manipulate me.
The truth I buried was: My mind will attack anyone it feels is getting too close to the tender, raw parts within me.

I had no time to nourish my Soul
--
The lie I told myself was: I have a test tomorrow…a chapter to read…
The truth I buried was: My avoidance supports my fear— I am no longer worthy of God’s attention, let alone love.

The Tipping Point          

Eventually, I hit a point where my fear of remaining emotionally wounded outweighed my fear of transformation:

My physical, emotional, spiritual and relational pain outweighed the pain of my truth:  I was hurt, wounded, broken and NOT fine!    


My fear of hurting one more day outweighed my fear of healing.

The energetic cost of avoiding what happened outweighed the cost of acknowledgment.

On this journey towards self-awareness, I learned:
  • We too are endowed with an internal Divine power to renew—seeds, which when released further our transformation.
  • God uses our external circumstances and experiences to cultivate and calibrate the soil necessary for our particular seeds to burst forth and grow. 
  • If allowed by me, that which appears to seek my destruction, ultimately furthers my growth.
  • The almost 10 years of healing were not all spent in conscious chronic pain.  Those years held countless fulfilling and joyful memories.  However, the energy I funneled into maintaining the lies and burial plots of my truths was precious energy not funneled into being completely present with myself and those I love.       
-What truths have your body mind and spirit been trying to tell you?
-What are the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual costs (to you and those around you) of keeping these truths buried?
-How would your life be different if you were able to re-direct the energy used to keep your truths buried? Where would you re-direct it? Family? hobbies? Where?

Deepen your awareness with Just Notice: Self-Awareness Exercise in the new SelfExplore section of the website!

In part 2 of this four-part blog series, I will discuss how accepting "what is" brings us even closer to our Divine Self and the seeds perpetually offered to us.

Namaste and Happy New Year, Sisters & Brothers!


Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014-2015. All rights reserved

Citations:
Yellowstone Fires of 1988
History of Wildland Fire in Yellowstone
Biology, 4th ed. (1996) by Neil Campbell




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Blue Christmas

12/15/2014

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Red and green fill the landscape.
Holiday songs fill the air.
Scent of pine and pie fill our noses.
Brisk cold air fills our lungs.        
Good food fills our tummies.
Good thoughts and emotions fill our minds.



For many of us, this is the experience the holiday season brings, fullness and gratefulness.  Others of us, however, cannot boast of such experiences.  For some, the sights, sounds, smells, thoughts, emotions, and sensations of the holiday season bring with them a sense of emptiness, dread and even unrelenting pain. 


In 2011, I had the honor of being asked by Pastor Julie Pennington-Russell to deliver the prayer during the Blue Christmas service at the First Baptist Church of Decatur in Decatur, Georgia.  Below you will find the prayer that was placed on my heart to deliver. Please share it with those who may benefit or recite it for those who cannot recite it for themselves—­     


God, we come to you this evening from so many different places: wholeness, brokenness, fullness, and emptiness.  We ask Lord, that you open and fill our hearts and minds in this moment so that we may feel Your presence, hear Your voice, sense Your will, and heed Your guidance.   

In many hearts within these walls and beyond, there is goodness and abundance; there is also so much pain… so much suffering.  It is from and for those hearts that we come to You on this evening, God.

Where there is Depression, grief, and confusion we ask for peace, clarity and support from those able to offer friendship, words of comfort or simply a silent presence.

Where there is Addiction, poverty, and illness we ask for healing of our bodies, minds and spirits; we ask for help in all possible forms, and hope that will grant us the motivation to live another day even when the alternative seems so seductive.

Where there is Fear, separation, and hopelessness we ask for the strength to turn to You, God, in our darkest hours.  Endow us with a sacred trust in Your unconditional love for us, even when….no, especially when we cannot sense Your love on our own.

Where there is Self-hate, suffering, and shame we ask that You help us to see ourselves, our lives and each other as You see us. Help us, God to become fully aware of our sacred worth as treasures in these earthen vessels.  Help us to withstand the negative messages and jabs from those who, because of their own pain, seek to define us as worth-less. 

And finally, God, during this holiday season, we ask that where there is Contention, strife, and anger within families, and among friends that you bring them together so that they dine on seats of humility, drink from cups full of compassion, and eat from plates packed with understanding.

Now God, we will take a moment to fall silent and ask that you hear those prayers which are too deep for words…

We thank You God for the chance to be with each other on this day. We thank You for Your continued presence in our lives and our hearts; we thank You for each and every day that You gift us with; and we thank You for all that we may take for granted.

Guide and protect us, care for and direct us, now and forever.  Amen.



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Divine Conversations on Forgiveness

12/2/2014

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My journey to forgiveness has been long and at times, laborious.  Recently, I felt a shift involving two situations: 

  1. A person I care about makes what I perceive to be indirect, hurtful, angry comments from their public position of power.  I have shared my concerns with them to no avail. 
  2. Years ago, Patrick and I were in a situation where a company lied to us in an attempt to take our money.
  
The following “conversations” emerged within me after I woke from a dream regarding the first situation.  I quickly realized that I still harbored unforgiveness towards both situations. The following is a transcription of those “conversations.”

Conversation on “Person in Power”

Me: His intention is to shame me or whoever he feels anger towards.  This is okay?

Spirit: You are impacted by his words because you hold shame that existed before you encountered him.  Deal with your shame and his intention will not matter. Only God truly knows what is in a person’s heart and how it got there.  Maybe his intention is to vent his anger, transform his audience or hide personal fear.  Maybe as a child he learned it was safest to express his emotions indirectly.  From your perspective the bounds of “maybe’s” are endless and when you attempt to discern a person’s heart through your pain, you tell a narrow story of judgment often fueled by anger, bitterness, and fear.  

But let’s say you’re right and he intends to shame; for your purposes it does not matter. His intention is ultimately about him and his path (as is your intention about you and yours).  What matters is your primary emotion, your shame. Deal with that and notice that the intention of another only matters in so far as it gets you in touch with the pain that you have buried but need and want so desperately to heal.

Conversation on “Company of Liars and Thieves”

Me: But what about those who do seek to manipulate? Those specifically trained to take power away from others by backing them into corners and taking what is not theirs?

Spirit: Understand that is still a story you have developed for yourself.  But even if that is the case--  

In those situations, more than ever, you must remember that it is not personal, it is not about you. A corporation that seeks to manipulate is designed and led by those who feel it necessary to manipulate to survive or get what they want.  They do not understand the law of divine abundance.  They act from fear and pain.

In those moments, when you feel stuck and cannot get past the “intentional” manipulation, this is where grace enters. Gratefulness and grace.  

Conversation on Power and Grace

Spirit: How did you feel in the “Company of Liars and Thieves” situation?

Me: Powerless and helpless.

Spirit: Was this true? Were you truly powerless and helpless, or is this how you felt?

Me: I felt powerless.

Spirit: In what ways did you have power? Help?

Me: Patrick was with me. I was able to stand my ground, and I ultimately got my money back. 

Spirit: So is there anything for which you can be grateful?

Me: Yes! I ultimately got what I wanted, but it was such a hurtful process. I didn’t see it coming like I should have.

Spirit: Ahhhh, and this is where the need for grace enters.  How do you feel towards yourself? What feelings do you hold against yourself?

Me: Stupid, stupid, stupid…should’ve seen it coming!

Spirit: Attempt to grant yourself grace; the grace available
to you, allow it to flow through you. Trust that you did the best you could in the moment with the knowledge you had at that time. No one chooses to feel helpless or be manipulated in ways that they later regret. Regret is a hindsight emotion and thus it lacks grace. It assumes you could have/should have known thoughts, emotions, beliefs, intentions and motivations that you clearly lacked access to for whatever reason. Regret is what forms when you attempt to learn life’s lessons not with grace but with judgment.  You are Loved, not judged. God’s grace abounds for and within you.

My Carousel of Judgment

I see how my lack of self-forgiveness was the impetus of my unforgiveness towards others.   Shame and self-criticism fueled my judgments towards the “Person in Power” and “Company of Liars and Thieves.”  I judged myself for not learning, seeing, or knowing and then attempted to protect myself from the pain of my regret by heaping hot coals of anger on their heads.  Unfortunately, this immediate attempt to soothe my pain through judgment rather than healing, placed me in a habitual spin of secondary emotions-- anger, bitterness, and resentment.

How do I get off this thing?!

When we hold unforgiveness, we willingly hop on the Carousel of Judgment, give the emotional and/or physical controls to those we judge, and consider ourselves powerless.  To take back our power we can take small steps:

  • Without judgment, we can focus on and heal our primary emotions (e.g. hurt, fear, shame).
  • We can allow ourselves to recognize the grace available to us. We did what we could with what we had in the moment. 
  • I once read, “Hindsight is ‘what was I thinking?' and Kindsight is ‘what was I learning?’”  When stuck, we can find those nuggets of gratefulness, practice Kindsight, and thank God for the lessons.   
  • Always remember: Forgiveness is not about letting go of what happened to us. It’s about healing what’s happening within us.

    Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014. All rights reserved.

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