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Book Journey 2: When God Smiles (aka Once Upon A Time)

9/17/2014

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Picture
“Mommy, can you read me this story?” My toddler asked as he dragged his new book across the room.

“Sure!” I exclaimed, hoisting him onto my lap.

As I read, I stopped and thought, “children’s books…humph…they are so complicatedly simple.  I could NEVER write one of these!”

I know now that at that moment, God was smiling broadly. My ground was tilled and ready to receive another seed, and this seed would burst through into my very being.

2 Weeks Later…

“The only rule is that the story must begin with the words, ‘once upon a time,’” announced the facilitator from ArtReach (a group therapy training program which used creative arts to help soldiers heal from combat trauma).    

I wrote the words at the top of my notebook paper -- once, upon, a, time. 

After that, everything shifted. The words began to pour out of me.  At one point, I uttered, “Slow down! I can’t write that fast!” I had to write one and two word notes in the margins to remember what to write two sentences from then. 

The next and more profound realization was that many of the lines were the very words and phrases that seemed to "glow" before me as I read the Bible.  

Returns the Ghost of Story-Time Past

The exercise ended and we group members were invited to read our stories.  I was still wrestling with the notion of "my story" given how it was conceived and felt nervous to read; however, I read the lines and listened for the groups response.

“This you cannot be!” I heard them chuckle.

“You can and must be all of these things.” They gasped.

“Do not let others define what they did not create.” Their astonishment turned to moans of recognition.

I finished; they were so quiet.  Eventually, the man to my left spoke, "Wow! You wrote that in twenty minutes?!” 

“More like transcribed!” I thought.

The woman in front of me said, “I needed to hear that. It’s like you wrote that for me.”  

The facilitator chimed in, “It reads like a really deep children’s book.”  

“Children’s book?!” I chuckled as my mind flew back to holding my son and reading his new book while uttering the words, “I could never write one of these.”  

God's smile was clear; the seeds' contents had blossomed within me.  Little did I know, the last profound message of that day had yet to arrive; its carrier, one of my fellow group members.

​READ Book Journey Part 3: Not of Me but Through Me


Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014. All rights reserved
 



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Book Journey 1: A Dirty Dishrag Like Me

9/2/2014

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“Relative to God, we are like dirty dishrags!” The words from the Baptist pastor hit my ears like the shattering of fine crystal, and were followed by words like, “unworthy,” “less than,” and “dark.”


Leaving the sanctuary, instead of floating out with a renewed sense of faith and passion, I was dragging under the heavy weight of difficult emotions; outrage, confusion and even shame, simmering within me.  I wondered, “Does God share this respected man’s perspective? If so, why would God spend any time with us humans? With me, especially?  I mean, if the average person is a ‘dirty dishrag…’” I pondered as I cycled through the sins of my life, “how could a God that supposedly loved me—supposedly, unconditionally loved me— possibly share this perspective? 

“NO!,” yelled the Outraged part of myself in deep protest. “He is WRONG!

“But,” whispered the Shame toting part of me.  “What if you are just hanging onto wishful thinking?  What if in the eyes of God, we are only fit for...dirty dishes?”


READ WHAT BY WHEN?!?!

“The entire Bible, in six months…let’s do it!” I found myself typing these words to my Facebook friends.  For years prior, I felt a deep conviction to “Big K-Know” the Bible. However; for years, my reaction to this task had been one of dread.  From my perspective the Bible had all the trappings of a book that I was least likely to finish: it is reeeally thick; has small words, and thin, I mean, tissue paper thin, pages.  Also, one college degree and two graduate degrees taught me well how to read for the gist vs the depth.  I feared pooping out within the first week and having to drag myself across the finish line… if I finished at all! 

Finally, like Jonah in the whale, I gave up and decided to extend the “Bible Challenge” invitation to my Facebook friends.  One actually took the bait.  In the end, we developed a group and attracted over 100 people.


DISHRAG BE DAMNED!

Despite my anxiety, once I set the intention and had “friends” backing me, something happened; I began to feel an enduring joy related to the task.  Every night, I retreated to my bedroom and read the scheduled lesson.  And each night I felt a renewed sense of wonder and excitement.  Stories and Bible verses seemed to leap off the page, deep insights seemed to glow before me and mental images seemed to further deepen and enliven my experience. 

For the first time, I understood what people meant when they called the Bible the "living word."  Indeed, this book was now bursting at the seams with life!  I couldn't write my insights and questions down fast enough; insights about wisdom, humility, stillness and meditation, compassion, "fear" of God, God within us…wait, what?

God within us?

There it was plain as day, Luke 17:20-21, “The kingdom of God is within you.” 

My Shame based part was up for the debate: “But dirty, unworthy, dark dishrags!”

“You are a little less than the angels” (Psalm 8:5).

“But dirty, unworthy, dark. . .”

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

“But dirty, unworthy--”

“You are Treasures” (2 Corinthians 4:7).

“But dirty--”

“You are the image of God” (Genesis 1:27)


“But--”

“You are of God!” (1 John 4:4). 


IT’S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW.

I did not know it at the time, but these words, these sources of balm for my soul, were only the beginning…only the initial seeds of grace that would ultimately lead to my shedding of shame and the “dirty dishrag” theory; seeds that once planted, would gift me with the recognition and reclaiming of My Forgotten Self.

READ Book Journey Part 2: When God Smiles


© My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014. All rights reserved

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    Intention

    My intention in writing this blog is to inspire you to fully embrace your youryydivine worth; fearlessly live your yosoul's purpose; and faithfully encourage others to do the same.

    I truly hope you enjoy your time here!

    Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014-2016. All rights reserved.

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