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Lessons From The Ashes, Part 4: Reflecting

2/19/2015

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Picture
Lodgepole pine cone opened by fire to release seeds.*
Picture
Yellowstone park forest burned in 1988*
Picture
Yellowstone Park forest growth progression post-1988 fire*
Picture
Yellowstone Park forest growth progression @ 10 years post-1988 fire*
Reflections
Following the Yellowstone Park fire of 1988, the minds of many were filled with questions like: What happened? How did it happen? What can we learn from this? 
   

Once we gain an awareness of the wounds created by our “forest fire” experiences and begin to heal, we will eventually hit a point where we find it necessary to reflect upon our healing journey.  We can then view the new landscape and deepen our growth.  When we take time to reflect, as I have done through this series or in other ways, the bigger internal landscape comes into focus and the weeds of judgment against others and ourselves begin to wither.   Questions of who did what, why and how? become less important and questions of where am I and who am I because of this? become essential.

Life Always Finds a Way
When Yellowstone burned, it did not die. Like the Lodgepole Pines, without any human intervention, Yellowstone forest began to rebuild.  As the smoke, which blocked our ability to view the landscape, cleared, scientists began photographing and monitoring the changes within the forest.  Miraculously, they found that the forest grew to be more lush and full than before the fire.  Areas that had not had any growth prior to the fire were now teeming with life as the Lodgepole and other seeds found new homes.
 
Once I ended the “forest fire” that was my unhealthy relationship, I welcomed the thick smoke of denial that clouded the scene.  I figured, as long as I couldn’t see the damaged landscape, it wasn’t really there— makes sense, right? :-) .  However, the smoke of denial eventually dissolved and I chose to heal the wounded Parts of myself that feared I was beyond repair. 

Eventually, I viewed my new internal landscape with fresh eyes and what I found was not the permanent destruction I feared but life! I was full of potential for growth. It was my fear that limited my ability to see life amidst the loss.  Like Lodgepole seeds, my internal seeds of wisdom and guidance survived and were activated by my “forest fire” experience!  These seeds of wisdom also spread to other areas of my life and I began to see emotional and spiritual growth in new places.           

Where and Who Am I Now?
Healing continues; there are Parts of me that are still triggered by the various “forest fire” experiences from my past. However, I am better able to recognize what triggers my anger, bitterness etc. and deal with it directly.  For instance, when I create stories about how “s/he tried to manipulate/anger me,” I try not to react (as often…lol).  Rather, I work to recognize my thoughts and emotions and trace them back to the internal source of my pain.  This has been a long road, but well worth the continued effort.  My children are worth it, my joy is worth it, my soul is worth it, I AM WORTH IT! …we ALL are WORTH IT!


Upon reflecting on my journey, I have learned:

  • We can derail our healing process if we continue to view our “forest fire” experiences as destructive forces and suppliers of death and sorrow.  Yes, we must acknowledge our losses and witness the pain they cause but we should also try to remember that life is not in the ashes and burying ourselves in them only leads to suffocation. However, when we view our “forest fire” experiences as transformative forces and suppliers of life and growth, our internal seeds of wisdom will guide us to self-compassion and peace.
  • On our healing journey, recalling why we want to heal gives motivation when the end seems so far away.  For instance, I continue to heal and reflect, in part, so I can avoid passing the third-degree burns of my past onto my children.  I will not choke them on the smoke of my pain or bury them beneath the ashes of my victimhood. I want the soil that cultivates my seeds to support their growth.  Questions like these can help us find motivation: Do I need to heal? What are the benefits of healing? Of remaining where I am? How will I know when I’ve healed, what will be different?
  • The healing journey is not a one-time event, but a constant process.  When we view perceived “let downs” or “backslides” as personal defects, we remain stuck; when we view them as opportunities to see areas that still need healing and growth we can rejoice in their unveiling and hear the lessons they carry. 
  • We cannot change our past but we can acknowledge the feelings and heal the wounds that result from that past.  We can then choose how we interpret and respond in the present. 
  • When we continuously react in the moment as if we are in our past, we essentially re-victimize ourselves by physically and emotionally reacting to everyone around us as if they are “out to get us.”  My unhealthy relationship did not keep me stuck; it was in the past and no longer had power over me.  It was the stories I created through my pain about myself and those around me that kept me imprisoned in history. 
  • A goal of healing is not to eliminate all pain but to shift our perspective to one that allows us to remain present with and realize the ways in which our thoughts, judgments and emotions about the past create our suffering and keep us stuck.  This shift in perspective enhances our belief that like the Lodgepole, we have been gifted with an internal source of power to quench our “forest fires” and renew.

Find your motivations, become aware of your “forest fire” experiences, accept your emotions as the guides they are; witness those parts of you that carry pain and reflect on your process to gain the wisdom it cultivates.  These steps will bring you closer to your Divine Self.


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*The above pictures depict Yellowstone's growth and healing progression over the course of 10 years.  Courtesy of the National Park Service. www.nps.gov 

Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014-2015. All rights reserved




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Lessons From The Ashes, Part 3: Witnessing

2/5/2015

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Picture
In 1988, the fires burned Yellowstone park.  Nothing would change that.  Lamenting over the lost landscape would only jeopardize our opportunity to witness the powerful transformation taking place amidst the ashes as nature healed itself and rebirthed.

Messages from my Internal Forest
When we disown wounded Parts of ourselves to minimize pain, the pain those Parts carry will retreat to our mind, muscles, or soul.  When exceptionally deep, pain will penetrate all three. 

To heal and rebirth the Parts of me wounded in my unhealthy college relationship, I had to become aware of, accept and witness the pain they carried. I had to release my victimhood, enter my internal forest, and allow those wounded Parts to tell me their tales.  Some messages those Parts of me carried were:

“My mind, body and soul are hurting.”

“My fear of being emotionally blistered by others is leading me to sear those closest to me.”

“My ignorance of my worth leads me into situations that only reinforce my pain.”

“I am so angry…no, ENRAGED. I had never truly hated anyone, but I HATE the person who hurt me.”

“I have no idea how to make it better.”

Entering the forest  
Witnessing or perceiving pain with compassion, looks different for everyone; for me it required that I enter my smoldering internal forest, and acknowledge the heavy ashes of my old reality that were being carried by my disowned and wounded Parts. 

Witnessing my pain meant that I eventually embraced and compassionately listened to my wounded Parts.  I cried with them and allowed the buried memories and emotions to surface.  Over time, self-compassion transformed my pain into peace.  

Companions on the Path
There was fear in dropping the ashes—fear of emotional pain and a new reality, a new internal forest.   This fear limited my ability to generate compassion towards the Parts of me that carried my pain.  

When the fears overwhelmed me I called for help— a trusted friend, therapist, or the Holy Spirit. I happily and humbly enlisted the clarity and compassion of all three to help me through the smoke-filled forest of my mind.  

Watering the Seeds
Seeds are created containing all the food required for their development.  Similarly, everything we need to heal and grow is contained within us. External striving for peace only distracts us from our internal healing process.  

To activate the food within the seeds, water is needed. The tears I initially viewed as a weakness were an acknowledgement of the pain I felt inside. The release of our tears represents strength as they activate our internal seeds of guidance and wisdom. 

On this journey towards the witnessing of my pain, I have learned:
  • Emotions are not my enemy.  I realized that emotions are my friends. I know this is hard to believe.  Our emotions don’t always lead to the best results.  I’ve blamed short-sighted decisions and chronically tight neck muscles on my “negative emotions.”  However, I’ve learned that emotions are simply signposts directing us to what is going on within and around us.  When I listened to their messages, I learned valuable lessons.  When I ignored or ran them over with distractions, they turned into disturbingly bright flashing neon signs; the increased intensity was not to hurt me but to help me see, understand and learn.
  • Bursting hurts, bringing heals.  In the often debated Gospel of Thomas, Jesus is quoted as saying: "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you" (#70).  Emotions are designed to guide thoughts and actions, reflect the internal and external, and assist the transformation of pain into peace.  They are not meant to be hidden, stifled, or buried.  As psychologist Ron Siegel says, “when we bury our emotions, we bury them alive.” They will eventually burst forth and that bursting process often leads to more pain. On the other hand, when we consciously bring forth and witness our pain, that bringing process leads to freedom.
  • Witnessing is the purest act of self-compassion. Witnessing or perceiving pain with compassion involved allowing my wounded Parts to tell their stories; to be heard. I’ve done this by talking to a compassionate companion; writing in a journal; or through spiritual means such as healing meditations or psychospiritual therapy.  These are examples of going through the pain.  Witnessing is not always easy but can be aided by the belief that we are worthy of healing, forgiveness, and love.
  • As above, so below.  I have come to believe a universal truth:  we all want to be validated. Not necessarily “fixed” but seen, heard and prayerfully understood. This truth traverses age and culture.  Just as we crave validation from those around us, Parts within us crave the same thing from us. This is why self-compassion is key to our healing process.  We need to be open to receiving our own compassion before we can be fully open to receiving (or giving) compassion from (or to) others.
  • Do-overs allowed. After learning the power of witnessing through the healing of my college relationship wounds, I began to witness the Parts of me that carried older and newer wounds.  I have also learned to forgive myself when I anxiously run from the forest or refuse to drop the ashes. It is from this place of self-compassion that I cultivate the strength, will and faith to return to the forest again and again, healing each wound, nourishing each seed and witnessing my pain into peace.

In the fourth and final installment of this four part series, I will discuss the how reflecting on our healing journeys helps us to clear the smoke in our minds, see the bigger landscape and access our Forgotten Self.

Please visit the SelfCenter section of the website and complete the "May I: Self-compassion Exercise" to assess your level of self-compassion.  Also, learn how to enhance your self-compassion and cultivate wisdom from your experiences.


Namaste, Sisters & Brothers!


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Copyright © My Forgotten Self Blog, 2014-2015. All rights reserved

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